Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
