Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
