i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
