Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
