were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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