Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
