there's paper in my vomit.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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