when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize