Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
