so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
