But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
