I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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