$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
