You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
