i already hear my dad disowning me
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
