So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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