You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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