8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
