**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
