9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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