That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
