Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Found the puke drawer
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
