I just pynch a tree in the face
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
