Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
