matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
