We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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