Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Randomize
