So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Come on in and take your pants off
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