My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Its about making memories worth repressing
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Randomize
