Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
