That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
