I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
