Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
