If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
