can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
