proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
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