sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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