next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
