I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
