I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
This baby is an asshole
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
