I wanna passion pit in your ass
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
