I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
