Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
