ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Randomize
