you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
