I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
