sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
