Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
