sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
