The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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