well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
